psychotic..

Once more I'm facing my darkest fears,my nightmares..my weakness..
My loved ones are struggling to hold their mental sanity...and so do i, i guess..
and one strange thing happened...i felt something warm and cheerful.
suddenly I'm staring at someone, taking a good look for her skin, her mouth, her movements..
it may be some sort of primitive "love" feeling..I'm not sure yet..but, god, i hope it leaves soon..I'm wandering in my head every time I'm with her..
I would sell those feeling, I'm not used to them anymore.
I hate to see her leaving with that beautiful hair, that lovely attitude, that smooth voice that crumbles my head inside out...
how can i hate someone who makes me feel good?

In Loving Memory of...







"And I won't be feeling hollow for so long"

Dagger

I Stabbed a friend on the back...
but what i didn't expect was that she took the dagger
and gave it back
"Try again" - she said,
"Watch me bleed..",
so i stabbed her over and over again.
Rejoice i felt when she dropped dead by my feet
My mind is now clear..I'm back to the emptiness i call life where shadows gather to conspire against me in the darkness..
Reborn At Last

Winter

I'm still the same person i was...i think...
no dramatic change was made...
unless i'm now somebody else...
and my psychotic mind is now coming towards me, it knows how i live, walk, talk...
suddenly it all becomes black..i know this sensation... i'm surrounded by milions of fucking water drops that slowly frost my body turning me into a fricken snowman...

I just have one thing to say: " SHOVE THE CARROT UP YOUR A-HOLE! , I don't know who i am but i'm no fucking snowman..."

"My eyes are blind but I can see
The snowflakes glisten on the tree
The sun no longer sets me free
I feel theres no place freezing me" - Black Sabbath : Snowblind

Another day..the same shit

this was the day that i felt...
Feeling that probably is the only one i ever knew..
All my friends, my family, my music has failed me...
left with no place to stay or to be.
My brain works non stop to understand all that is happening...understand life and it's strange path, a path that leads to a dead end...
at last...abandoned, alone, dead, left with just a unhuman bodybag...

Life

Once more i've been hauted by past actions, people i've known, places that i went..
But most of all..i've been hauted by the tought's ...evil ones..the kind that can lead you to mental instability.
All my friends try to act as if i am a normal person....i think they don't even know me, so here's some info about me:

I AM AN ANIMAL, I JUST NEED ME AND MYSELF

it doesn't mean i don't need friends....in fact, i do need them..they keep me from going berserk , i need them to talk about stuff..
but in some weird way..i don't need them..just need something to write FUCK..
sure i don't mind people huggin' me, telling me they like me for who i am but...

WHO THE HELL AM I?

The purpose

Loneliness ? Hate ?Madness? Paranoia? Everyday I look around and see .. I wonder if it is really necessary..How can one try to have feeling knowing that is incapable of any kind of affection or expression that's considered to be good? Many times I look at myself and try to realize the meaning of my existence.. Does one need to try to live? Does one need to be social? If so..Why? as i said..not everything needs to have a meaning or a purpose... We are all just figures of imagination created by something that doesn't have anything more to do than make beings of raw meat that interact with themselves...while it watch and laugh at our attempt to become someone or something... needless to say "in vain"...

why?